Why North Korea is Winning the Battle of Words

My opening is going to be droll, because every time this happens it is so very droll: North Korea is doing it again. They’re posturing against the United States, South Korea and their allies with their ragtag Nuclear Warheads and rocket boosters that are so explosive they tend to break up before coming anywhere near anything. They shut down joint facilities, mobilize absolutely nothing, threaten this way and that way, then the United Nations says “this is all out of hand” and we concede.

Last month the Democratic Peoples’ Republic of North Korea (I can’t stop laughing when I think they actually believe that label is realistic) decided they were going to test a nuclear device, in defiance of nuclear treaty banning tests and heavy sanctions against nations that lean towards manufacturing “sketchy” weapons (read: Iran). Then they decided to demand the evacuation of disputed Island off the Korean peninsula near the 38th Parallel, or face violence. When South Korea and the United States, Japan, Europe, etc. reacted with disdain North Korea decided, as always, to then play the nuclear and “Imperialist aggressors” cards. Sound familiar? It seems to happen once a month, or whenever whatever spawn of Kim notices they’re not being covered by the BBC anymore. So they stir up trouble and get back on television (sort of a capitalist consumer thing to do, comrade). As always it goes nowhere, and we go back to “they’re crazy and starving over there.”

This time it’s been different.  See, Obama must be tired of North Korea. Seriously, so am I. Seriously, so should you. Like passive-aggressive fuck shithead (I hate these people) kids in school who keep track of their “victories” when there isn’t any competition going on, North Korea sees every time we fail to respond to their aggression as a victory. Indeed, when we do respond, they see it as “Imperialism” (That’s called self-defined hypocritical self-righteousness kids, you can’t argue with them if they think they’re right, even when they’re wrong). But somebody, and this guy needs a medal, says let’s fly a B-2 out of middle America and over those fucks so they can all collectively shit themselves before remembering what a plane looks like and actually does. The President approved that somewhere down the line and we get the best thing I’ve read since Westboro Baptist Church new neighbors turned out to be a pro-homosexual group. Our planes flew over these fucks (I’m mad, can you tell?) reminding them that all those sanctions don’t mean a goddamn thing to us. ‘Merica will still kill you. It’s the equivalent of Robin Williams in Hook drawing a line in the sand for the lost boys to cross but if he had done it with a nuke held to his crotch screaming “King Kong Ain’t Got Shit on This.”

Even better now, according the United Nation’s Ban-Ki Moon “the situation is out of hand.” “Aggressive rhetoric and military posturing only result in counter-actions, and fuel fear and instability,” he says. Good job United Nations, you told them. Finally the UN takes a proactive but aggressive stance against the endless threats North Korea vomits up to stay in the news. Oh wait… No. He said that about the United States’ B-2 flyover. Awesome.

Apparently it’s too much for Senior (his proper title I’m told) Moon to notice, so I’ll say it. North Korea has been threatening the world with nuclear violence since they had nukes. They have been actively pursuing combat with South Korea and the West (read: ‘Merica) for so many years, it’s almost laughable that nothing has happened. But they continue to enrich uranium and plutonium, restart old reactors, like they did today, and pass a resolution for “vicious and unrestricted nuclear combat” on the United States and South Korea. All without reprisal. And that’s to say nothing of the humanitarian crisis there. Their own people fucking starved while Kim Jong-Il became the #1 Hennessy importer In The World. They keep starving while his goddamn son sits in Pyongyang and watches rip-off Disney characters dance around. Seriously.

Comic Sans in bold and italic lettering cannot emphasize enough what I’m trying to say. North Korea acts without impunity and nobody does anything about it. The United Nations calls out the United States for acting in defense of its ally against an old-hand and constant aggressor, and gets slandered. Why? Is Sr. Moon so convoluted as to think there is no danger? He worked in the South Korean Government. He lived in Seoul, South Korea A.K.A. that place that will have literally ten minutes left of existence when North Korea actually goes ahead with their shit. In the meantime, the entire nation of Japan is under threat, as well as places like Hong Kong and Singapore, old western bases much hated by the DPRK. Though the sanctions on North Korea after their illegal test did pass, they were blocked by Iran, Russia, and China. Iran makes sense; they’re the North Korean wanna-be state. They’re trying to get noticed. But Russia and China make no sense. I won’t go out of the way to talk about the danger China or Russia poses to us, but the era of those nations’ blank-check support for anti-United States operations is long past. They do not want a war with us. They do not want to back a tiny nation who wants to launch a nuclear offensive. The crimes of the United States are many, but Russia and China have nothing to gain in this situation. Our military would only be emboldened and expanded by an apparent Russia-China Batshit Crazy Alliance with the DPRK. All they are is being contrary for the hell of it.

Going out and goading North Korea into action is dumb, to say the least. A lot of damage can be done, but there is no basis for blaming the United States. North Korea has gone against international law, and is openly threatening war. From here, they will only get bolder. They’ve already shown their complete disdain for human lives (their own fucking peoples’ lives) and without a single action against them, North Korea will keep turning out delusional dictators again and again, letting their people die, while threatening the people around them. I’m tired, and you should be tired, that this keeps on going. Your politicians, while not doing anything else, refuse to do the obvious thing and check North Korean aggression actively. That this comedy keeps rerunning itself and no one thinks to change the channel is ludicrous and basically criminal. Though, to be in the UN’s position of siding with the enemies of everything they stand for is far worse.

Vindictively, I want North Korea to do what they said. To show the world, and especially this idiot Ban-Ki Moon what “peace at all costs” looks like. But I’m a human being, and I know that this game only goes so far.  Aggression can only be checked with strength and firmness. Hitler overran Poland, annexed Austria and the Sudetenland, and rearmed the Rhine while the world did nothing. Stalin drew the “Iron Curtain” across Europe, with tacit protests from the West. Every dictator and every madman at every level of prominence across the globe started with this same basic aggressive posturing. We cannot let the mistakes of history repeat themselves. I do not want to be in the position of saying “I told you so.”

Even now, North Korea is still on the warpath. The United States is mobilizing missile defenses in Guam. An hour ago the state media agency said, “The moment of explosion is approaching fast. No one can say a war will break out in Korea or not and whether it will break out today or tomorrow. The responsibility for this grave situation entirely rests with the U.S. administration and military warmongers keen to encroach upon the DPRK’s sovereignty and bring down its dignified social system with brigandish logic.” Right.