With 2012 coming to a close and 2013 right around the corner, the staff of NationSmith is taking a look back at some of our favorite people and events from the past year…
O vs. Mitt: Endgame
All things election dominated the news this year, and in the end it was perhaps the most decisive squeaker the Nation has ever seen. With an extremely close popular vote, Big O trounced Romney in the Electoral College. Our Fearless Leader’s victory is owed in large part to a poorly-run Republican campaign, with memorable gaffes like Clint Eastwood and an empty chair, 47%, and “binders full of women.” Hindsight is always 20/20, but this time most of us really saw the Democrats’ victory coming. Only time will tell if the GOP can pull itself together to maintain such a narrow margin of defeat in future elections.
Shootings Aren’t Just for Urban Neighborhoods Anymore
Tragedy on a mass scale struck not once, but twice this year – first in a Colorado movie theater, and more recently in a quiet Connecticut elementary school. While people in the US and around the world try to wrap their heads around these massacres, the wheels are slowly turning on the debate about gun control in America, with both sides of the issue unwilling to give up an inch. Oh well, the problem will probably just work itself out.
The Innocence of Protestors
This is probably the biggest 2012 news story that the American public has already stopped caring about. In September terrorists attacked the American consulate in Benghazi, Libya, killing four Americans including Ambassador Chris Stevens. For several weeks, the Obama Administration towed the line that the attack was part of a non-terror-related protest of an American-made anti-Islam YouTube video, The Innocence of Muslims, before finally acknowledging that it was in fact terror-related and the result of a major security failing. Oh, and also, the perpetrators remain unidentified. No big deal, right? Feel free to skip ahead to the Honey Boo Boo blurb below.
Hurricane Sandy is Not So Dandy
Hurricane Sandy swept the East Coast in late October, displacing thousands of residents. When all was said and done, the storm claimed the lives of over 100 victims and devastated the Jersey Shore. Federal relief efforts are expected to total in the tens of billions of dollars. Buffalo wing enthusiast and New Jersey Governor Chris Christy, a common critic of the Obama Administration, heaped rare praise on the President for his response to the crisis, which was, by most accounts, downright presidential. Sadly, the cast of MTV’s Jersey Shore were counted among the survivors.
Supreme Court Gives Obamacare Five Thumbs Up
For one day in the summer of 2012 every idiot on Facebook became a constitutional scholar, as the US Supreme Court issued its ruling on the controversial healthcare bill. The opinion was clear, sort of – it’s constitutional, but only because it’s a tax. Democrats claimed a victory. Republicans scratched their heads, trying in vain to figure out what conservative golden boy John Roberts had up his sleeve. Turns out he may have been taking his role as Chief Justice seriously by issuing an opinion that he truly believed was correct. Truly shocking.
A Bad Year for Armstrongs
The world of professional cycling was turned upside down when its only (and I mean only) superstar, Lance Armstrong, was exposed as a cheater for his role in a massive doping ring. Armstrong has even been accused of strong-arming (pun intended) teammates into using performance-enhancing drugs against their will. So it turns out that he’s not only not super-human, but may actually be sub-human.
In news that was somehow less disappointing, the nation bid farewell to moonwalker and American hero Neil Armstrong (now known as “The Good Armstrong”). Once again, he’s gone and done something before Buzz Aldrin got the chance to.
In an Unprecedented Turn of Events, the World Didn’t End
Contrary to a prediction that no really believed and that was never actually made, the World did not end with the expiration of the Mayan Calendar in December of 2012. This sucks for anyone who quit their job or racked up massive credit card debt in anticipation of Armageddon. But it also gives hope to every nutcase who thinks that the World will end at some other point in the relatively near future.
Psychosis Strikes YouTube
Korean pop-rapper Psy erupted online, with his music video “Gangnam Style” becoming the first video ever to reach one billion views on YouTube, and it shows no signs of stopping. It really makes you wonder how he plans on following such an overwhelmingly successful video. No one knows for sure, but our guess is that it’s going to involve kittens.
Petraeus Gets His Freak On
Four star general David Petraeus stepped down as Director of the CIA after admitting to having an extramarital affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell. So behind the dorky haircut, stodgy demeanor, and generally uptight persona, Petraeus has a human side after all. Unfortunately a human side is a characteristic that we loathe in our public officials. Can’t we just invent a robot to run the CIA?
Fatties Mourn the Twinkie
Hostess, maker of baked abominations like Twinkies and Ding-Dongs, announced that…eh, who cares?
The most anticipated stock offering of the year came in May when social media behemoth Facebook went public. Unfortunately, overvaluation of shares resulted in a lukewarm reception, and as a result Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has lost an estimated $8 billion (for those who are interested in useless figures, the Zuck would’ve been better off giving $15 to every single Facebook user). Nevertheless, here at NationSmith we think it’s great that you finally have the opportunity to acquire a small percentage ownership interest in your own personal information.
The Summer Olympics Happen. Yes, Again.
Inexplicably, the Olympic Games are still being held every two years, and 2012 was no exception. For two weeks this summer, we all developed a distinct passion for swimming, running, and fencing. London did a fine job hosting what was generally considered to be a generally lackluster Olympics. What a news story!
Honey Boo Boo Charms America
The Learning Channel learned us good in 2012, definitively demonstrating that what the American Public really wants is an unflinching look at the life of a bunch of good-natured white trash. It really is a bit disheartening to see how popular this kind of garbage is; here at NationSmith, we’re Breaking Amish men.
Here Comes the Fiscal Cliff!
At the time of this post, the dreaded fiscal cliff looms, with the President meeting with influential members of Congress to attempt to strike a deal. This might be more of a 2013 story, but it’s never too early to brace yourself for a massive government failure…
World’s Greatest Website Created
The World was rocked in June, as NationSmith.com was unveiled. President Obama and Republican challenger Mitt Romney set aside their differences to issue a rare joint statement, saying “NationSmith.com is awesome!” Internet phenomenon Psy remarked, “I don’t understand how my video can get a billion views when a brilliant gem like NationSmith.com only gets a few hundred hits a day. It almost makes me feel like people think of me as a novelty.” Yes, the consensus is clear: NationSmith.com is the only thing worth reading.
Happy New Year!