The Funeral Dirge of the BlackBerry

By K. David Du writer Kent Du mourns the passing of an old friend, his BlackBerry.

Here’s the story: you’re partying with your friends and your cellular phone rings that catchy ringtone from a top 40 hit. It’s ringing, it’s vibrating, and it’s up to you to pick up the goddamn phone. I can tell you your phone is most likely an Apple or a Google Android-based one. Even less likely, you’ll have a Windows one.

But what happened to 2007’s golden boy, the BlackBerry? Unfortunately, the blackberry, once the lynchpin of America’s burgeoning business class, has gone the way of the dodo (or the palm pilot).

Last Thursday, Research in Motion (the makers of Blackberry) announced the company had laid off over 5,000 employees due to a dashed earnings report and a $518 million loss Q1 2012. At its height, RIM shares were at $150.0 USD a share and its market capitalization was at $81B USD. Today, it’s $7.67 a share and its market capitalization is at 4.0 B USD.

A devastating loss which will usher in its death.

You can read all about it here.

Bloodied and beaten, mortally wounded and brutalized, the brand who was once the main event is no longer even the main contender. In the ring, it has opponents that it can’t match and now it’s time for it to throw away the towel and fade away.

For many of us former CrackBerry addicts and true believers, I say we hold a death vigil for this once cherished line of smart phones.

Gone are the device’s humming, vibrating notifications. Gone is the sticky click-clack of its keyboard. Gone are the pin-sharing parties, the less than stellar internet (oh, there was a time before 4G), the bright, shiny “new car” glint of its casing, and the precise usage of its ball mouse.

Gone, gone, gone.

As a former BlackBerry power user, I’ll bid it a sorrowful adieu. It was the wonder and cultural icon of the late 2000’s, which I think we all can agree was a more civilized age free of Angry Birds, Draw Something, and other foul atrocities of the 2010’s app race.

The golden days of the BlackBerry’s “smart” smart-phoning might be over, but for those of us who still believe, the phantom vibrations in your pocket remains.